Since that moment everything changed.

I began to change from being a victim who had spent her life trying to up her game, trying to make everything ok for everyone else to being totally and utterly open to asking for help.

I found community with other people, some of who were going through something similar and I started to tell my story.

Through telling my story, I started to hear it.

I started to acknowledge the grief and loss wrapped in those moments that I had brushed off as 'not that big a deal' and through doing that I started to grow my self esteem, not through being ok if someone else was ok, but through starting to learn my values and learn about boundaries and trust.

I started to feel less isolated. Learning healthier ways to communicate with my loved one - it was messy, but I could loop back into my community, with my therapist to work on the way I was communicating, sometimes she helped me with a script of what to say and I would stand there, with the paper shaking between my hands as I read out what I knew was healthy communication. Sentences that began with 'I' instead of 'you'.

I realised that my happiness, my agency wasn't dependent upon what my loved one was doing. When I backed me, through the support of my community, through the support of my therapist, I was clear on what I needed and didn't need.

But it took years. I don't want it to take you years.

I want to bring you the benefit of my experience and expertise to try and make this healing as straightforward and helpful as possible.

After coming back from a healing trauma week intensive in Nashville, Tennessee I realised that I wanted to train as a therapist, specialising in addiction.

So I studied for 4 years to get a Distinction in my Masters in Addiction Psychology and Counselling. I have done specialist trauma training with the PIT model, Polyvagal Theory and trained in EFT tapping (advanced level) and Matrix Reimprinting.

I have organised retreats and mental health days, launched my own podcast which was shortlisted for an International Women's Podcast Award and performed my one woman poetry comedy shows - one of which I took to the Edinburgh Fringe.

I was the consummate fairy tale believer, but I have dropped many of my once upon a time messages to build myself a daily happy ever after.

Now, I use reactions and emotions as information to help me learn about myself more and set boundaries.

I've moved on from being stuck in self destructive patterns of trying to get someone else to listen to me, of people pleasing, denial, and compliance.

For those who love someone with an addiction it can be really hard to share your own story, because it obviously includes someone else's story too. Facing what it means to be real about the situation you are in can feel like staring into the void and deciding to step off the edge of the cliff.

I know, I've felt it.

And I stepped off.

And what I learnt was, it wasn't about seeing if there was a net or a parachute to deploy before I jumped, it was about learning to grow my own wings.
This is why I want to create spaces and community for people to share their story and heal. I know that there is life beyond the influence of someone else's addiction.

I know what it takes to create your own Happy Ever After,

one day at a time.